Joy at Rock Bottom

At church this week, the pastor spoke about rejoicing, and it's root word: joy. The Bible has over 400 references to joy and rejoicing, many of which are in the context of things that shouldn't make someone joyful. We are commanded to "rejoice always" in 1 Thessalonians 5:16. We're told to "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds" in James chapter 1.

But how? Exactly how do I get joy out of circumstances that are beating me up? I know the definition of joy is not the same as happiness, but it's close enough that my brain has a hard time embracing the idea of having joy when I am far from happy.

Listening to this week's sermon, I got a new understanding of the Biblical meaning of joy. The pastor talked about being thankful in all circumstances, not for all circumstances. He said that joy supernaturally sustains and uplifts our souls in times of pain, heartache and sorrow. As he said that I imagined someone plummeting from a great height into a dark pit, but as they fell, a supernatural force slowed their descent and gently set them at rock bottom.

I have been in a pit before. I have felt rock bottom. And each time I find myself there, the last thing I want to do is "count it all joy." I don't feel happy. I'm not excited to be in the pit once again, but if I think about it, I can see how despite the emotional ups and downs, God sustains and uplifts my soul. My freefall stops just short of obliteration. Lying on the rock, clinging to what and who sustains me, might just be a more accurate picture of joy (for me) than dancing around with a tambourine.

Jesus told a short parable in the New Testament about building one's house in the rock.

Matthew 7:24-25  

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.”

Because of my faith and my relationship with Jesus, I can cling to his solid presence during the storm. When I freefall, the descent isn't never-ending. There is a limit to the hardship I experience and I can take joy in that. Seeing the ways in which I am protected, spared and saved is something I need to work on. So often my eyes focus on the darkness of the pit and the shrieking of the storm, not thanking God that He is with me in that very place and time.

Joy in this season isn't butterflies and rainbows, but it is solid, dependable. Like the pastor said, it's time to Enjoy the Lord.

Gotta fix my face

This week I've seen myself reacting to small things with big emotions- primarily anger. A disappointment was met with sadness and anger. An annoyance met with frustration and anger. An unexpected barrier at work triggered- you guessed it- anger. Why was I so volatile? Why did I have such a hair trigger? At home I wasn't feeling this way, but ministry and work were another story. So I've been thinking about it and praying, trying to figure it out.

In one instance I have been actively working to support a ministry for several years. After being away for some time, I returned only to feel like all the progress that was made had been undone. Ways that the ministry had developed in recent years to embrace new people and young families were nowhere to be seen. Not only was I saddened, but I was mad. I felt so disappointed and my hope for the ministry was shaken. I had to take a step back and make myself right with God, because in the moment I wanted to go off. I have to remind myself that even if I feel "sent" to support something, doesn't mean I am in charge or ultimately responsible for the results. I needed to let go of my urge to control.

Another time I was feeling Hulk-ish was when I was so looking forward to a time of spiritual refreshing and again I was disappointed. I had been putting my hope and expectation in others providing a spiritual experience for me. When their efforts fell short, I was indignant. I was disappointed and felt gypped of an experience they somehow "owed" me. When I saw what lay beneath my reactions, I was ashamed and had to repent. No one "owes" me anything. If I want a spiritual experience it is up to me to ask, seek and knock, not to nurture a sense of entitlement.

My last bad reaction came through the work I do for the restoration home. An expensive and important project I had been working on seemed like it would be delayed, causing a domino-effect which would affect colleagues and a partnering church. When others came in to trouble-shoot, I got defensive. Feeling like a failure, I wanted to drop the whole project. The problem wasn't the project. It wasn't the other's efforts to push past the roadblocks we were experiencing. The problem was my need to feel successful in my job and defensive when others stepped in to help.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Galatians 5:22-26

How about you? Do you experience sudden anger that you later attribute to a desire to control? Or to a sense of entitlement? Does your pride put you on the offense when things don't go the way you want? This week has been eye-opening. It's a reminder that I have a ways to go in "crucifying my flesh." But the realization is hopeful too; if I want to grow past these immature reactions, the Holy Spirit is available in me to produce a different kind of fruit in my life. In the meantime, I will fix my face, check my heart and move forward with grace for myself and others.

We are Family

This Mother's Day I was reminded of all the ways I am included in family. My Saturday started at my dear friend Nora's house. Eddie, the kids and I went out to the farm where she and her family live and spent the day with them. They killed and BBQed one of their sheep for a feast with fresh salad, beans and tortillas.  Many years ago, Nora and her sisters lost their mom and a year or two ago Nora decided that I would be her new mom. I kind of blew it off, saying something like, "I'm too young to be your mom!" But Nora meant it. This Mother's Day, she had us over, she honored me, gave me gifts and I suddenly realized that Nora needed a mother and God had provided her one in me.

Later that night, I was sitting in our church as the men and young people had prepared a special dinner for all the moms. I was surrounded by my church family and was so proud to see Eddie and the kids serving the food and helping out. During that dinner I got a call from one of our former foster sons, Jairo. He called to say Happy Mother's Day, but also to share the news that he finally got his Green Card after 9 years of trying his case in immigration courts. What a celebration! What great news! And, by the way, could I help him with another form he needs to fill out? I realized then that, even though he moved out of our house 5 years ago and we live thousands of miles away, I'm still his American mom who can help him navigate scary legal forms and #adulting.

The Holy Spirit began to whisper to me, "He sets the lonely in families."

The next day, Mother's Day (Sunday), our guest preacher said that Jesus prioritized family and creating family with those who share the faith. Again, the verse, "Father to the fatherless, defender of widows....He sets the lonely in families" echoed in my spirit.

Psalm 68:5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. 6 God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing;

Holidays are the times when we miss our loved ones the most. Missed birthdays and celebrations are a sacrifice our family makes to do the work we do in Belize. Our precious niece, Ziya turned 5 this weekend and we missed it. Last week I missed the passing of my dearest cousin, Christine, who was only 45. I prayed for Christine's family from afar and wished I could be there to grieve with them.

Nora and Jairo aren't the only ones whom God has provided a family for. I'm reminded that I, too, have been lonely and I, too, have been set in a family. If Nora hadn't invited us out, I would have stayed home on Saturday wishing I could spend it with my mom or mother-in-law. God set me in Nora's family, so our family wouldn't be alone on Mother's Day. He set me in Jairo's family, so I would have someone reach out and call me, giving me great news and work to do. He set me in my church family, so I would have a community to pray, praise and serve with. He has seen my loneliness and provided for me. He leads me out of my prison of loneliness, isolation, depression with singing.

Lately our nuclear family has been through a hard season and God has sent us friends and family to shore us up in our sadness, confusion and loneliness. Our family is big and deep and wide. It spans oceans and countries, cultures and languages.

How has God provided a family for you in your times of loneliness? How have you been family to an orphan, a widow, or someone else in need?

*Photos from our Mother's Day celebrations will be included in this month's newsletter, coming out the first Tuesday of June. Sign up on our website to get monthly updates and read monthly blogs like this one.