Highly Capable

Years ago, entering Middle School, I tested into the Talented And Gifted (TAG) program. I'd always performed well in school and I was a confident test-taker. I got in, but I never actually enrolled in TAG. I saw it as too much stress, too much effort, for the pay-out, which was... what exactly?

Twenty-five years later I have an oh-so-talented-and-gifted son, AJ. He's my mini-me. School has always come easy for him, too. Our brains work pretty much the same. We drive each other crazy.

AJ also tested into the "special program" going into middle school. In this new millennium, Talented and Gifted has been through a rebrand and is now called Highly Capable. Eddie and I tease AJ about how highly capable he is at taking out the garbage, taking care of his hygiene and a myriad other bothersome tasks he doesn't want to do. He dreams of taking the world by storm, but isn't too interested in flossing.

Did I mention he's my mini-me?

I too want to take the world by storm; at least Belize. I know that I'm oh-so-capable of doing big important things. But the mundane? The repetitive? I'm still not sure the effort is worth the pay-out. It's those humble tasks, rather than giant overtures, that prompt me to quote Philippians.

Philippians 4:12-13

For I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength.

In Philippians, Paul talks about how highly capable he is too. He has the family connections, citizenship, education and piety to write his own ticket in life. Despite that, Paul was put through the ringer. In his letter to the Philippian church, Paul acknowledges that it's not his strength, pedigree or good-looks that carry him through the hard times. He relies on God's power to overcome any situation, any hurdle set before him.

Whether my hurdles are big or small, I can persist instead of giving up. I can see it through, if I don't solely rely on my own strength. I need, more often, to take a page from Paul's book and remember Who's highly capable hands I'm in.

Trust Fail

The theme this week is trust; specifically trusting fellow Christians. As I connect with more people here, I hear story after story about broken trust within the Christian community. Working through distrust (and building trust) are themes Eddie and I are tackling in private conversations, as well as in various groups.

I thought I could address distrust without it coming for me, but I was wrong.

Around the world, Christian culture defines who is the "right kind of Christian" according to different values. Every group believes their own definition is the right one and those who fall outside of their doctrinal stance are "lost." Depending on the criteria, I'm either a sinner or a saint, a blessing to the church or a blight.

To live in a small community is for everyone to know who you are. Being a foreigner, and a missionary on top of that, puts me in the center of a fishbowl. My reputation precedes me into every meeting and every introduction to someone new. I'm very careful to represent myself with integrity, not painting myself more holy or righteous than anyone else.

But I don't want to stay separate from others; I believe in partnership. To build effective and lasting partnerships, though, I have to allow myself to be vulnerable and dependent on others. This week I was asked to officially identify with another ministry. I balked. I didn't want to sign on the dotted line. I felt uncomfortable and unsafe. I didn't trust that the other parties knew me well enough not to throw me under the bus when push comes to shove.

We've all seen the team building exercise called the trust fall, where a group of people gather behind their teammate and are supposed to catch them when they fall. It's an exercise that can build trust, but it can also reveal when trust isn't merited. Just Google "trust fall fail videos" and you'll see plenty of examples of when this exercise proved unsuccessful.

So, what do we do when the "team" is known to let people fall? What do we do if we doubt the group can handle our weight? Do we walk away? Do we fall blindly, hoping we won't break anything on the way down?

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

I don't know if I should place my reputation in the hands of this group. It's risky. But instead of relying on my own understanding, I'll seek the Lord and trust Him to show me the right path. For now, my next step is to work on building relationship, rather than ignoring my misgivings. While partnerships are a valuable thing, they should be based on communication and honesty. There's wisdom in looking before we leap.

Speaking Terms

When I struggle to make sense of hard things, or can't seem to hold onto positivity, I get quiet. I shut down. I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to verbally process with anyone. I want to shut off my brain and keep to myself. I want to lick my wounds and be miserable for awhile.

My tendency to shut people out when I'm down isn't limited to my family and friends (poor Eddie), it extends to God Himself. I get quiet. I shut down and I shut Him out too. I tell myself, "We're not speaking right now." It's not a crisis of faith; we're just momentarily not on speaking terms.

Thinking of that phrase makes me wonder about the terms of our relationship. Are they written down somewhere or implied? Are they personal to Him and me, or universal? What makes me think I have a choice between speaking to God or not?

Throughout the Bible are story after story of how people prayed to, argued with, ran from, wrestled with, and worshipped God. No two stories are the same because each person brought their own personality and mess into the mix. The whole point of having a relationship with a living God is that it is personal and alive. By entering into relationship with Him, you are accepting the terms of a living covenant.

The terms of our agreement are: all of Him for all of Me. Anything I need can be found in Him; forgiveness, provision, safety, peace, purpose... what He requires in exchange is all of me; all my skills, my allegiance, affection, trust, love. He gave His life to secure abundant life for me. I give up control of my life in order to accept the abundant one He has planned for me.

He called out to Adam and Eve in the garden. He called out to Cain in the field and Peter on the seashore. When we turn away, He draws near. When we hide away in pain or shame, He calls us back into relationship.

As I plug my ears in my self-imposed solitude, He is speaking. While I wallow in sadness He whispers my name. When I'm disappointed or defiant, hurt or feeling abandoned, He calls to me. Even when I declare that we're not on speaking terms, my heavenly Father doesn't cut me off. He's shown me this, and has told me this, in no uncertain terms.

Deuteronomy 31:6

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”