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For only the second time since starting this blog a year ago, I will forego writing a weekly post. The first time was during the height of the Black Lives Matter outcry this Spring. This time it is in solemn observation and prayer for the United States general election. So many words have been spoken. So much division has been sown. Today I am taking the time I'd normally spend writing to pray for our nation.
A theme I keep returning to is that there's no recipe, no step-by-step formula to living this Christ-life. To presume to reduce the life of faith to a formula is to attempt sorcery. Say the right words, make the right motions and you'll get the desired outcome. Many Christians get up in arms about Harry Potter and other popular depictions of magic, but then cast their own spells from their prayer closets.
Jesus didn't die for us so we could systematize, categorize and contain Him in a recipe book. The Bible is filled with story after story of people, just like us, who have encountered God in a unique way. Each New Testament encounter with Jesus was lovely, honest and life-changing. He met each person's needs in an individual and unforeseen way. How then can we prescribe a single set of steps for living with, and for, Him?
While the Bible is good for teaching precepts and themes, all the written Scriptures in the world couldn't give exact procedures for the personal and societal dilemmas of future generations. In Jesus' day the Israelites had had their laws for hundreds of years and were no closer to perfection than Adam and Eve.
When Jesus returned to the Father, He didn't ship us a manual to follow, He sent His Holy Spirit. To follow Jesus isn't to replicate His literal footsteps, it's to allow His Spirit to continue His story through us. Our lives can, and should, reflect the Spirit that propelled Him to heal the sick, embrace the rejected, raise the dead.
We can memorize Scripture and pray fervently, but those actions are empty without the Holy Spirit's involvement. He takes those feeble offerings and responds with wisdom, comfort, counsel and peace. Living the life of faith has so much less to do with checklists and obligations than it does leaning into uncertainty and submitting to His way; asking the Holy Spirit to guide you and seeing where He takes you.
Let's resist the urge to reduce Scripture into a formula to dictate to someone else. They don't need our recipe or our "10 steps to sainthood." They do need the Living God interacting with them and taking them on a journey of healing, power and grace.
Family is supposed to be the place where you can be completely yourself. In family you can misbehave and make mistakes in an environment of unconditional love. You test the limits, discover your voice and opinions. Discipline can, and should, play a part in teaching healthy limits and boundaries, but your place in that family should never be at risk.
As a former foster parent and group home staff worker, I've learned about what happens when a child doesn't have a secure family environment.
It's very common for children who come into care to have trouble adjusting to new family environments. The new home comes with new people, smells, food, expectations, and their place in that family is tenuous at best. Children who are looking to feel secure in their environment often react in one of two ways: rebellion or perfectionism.
Those who react with rebellion don't trust when grownups tell them, "You're safe here. You're not going anywhere" or "This is your forever home." They know from experience that happy endings aren't real. People who say they love you will leave you. So they do everything they can to push you away. That may mean lies, tantrums, promiscuity, or other outward behaviors. What they crave is boundaries, stability and to feel secure in their world. What it looks like is holy hell.
Then you have the other type of child who is also insecure. Instead of acting out, they go inward. They bottle up their fears, dissent, opinions, so no one will have a reason to leave them again. These kids appear perfect on the outside, but the hurt and anxiety is just as real. They do everything they can to become the person they think you want them to be. That might mean getting good grades, helping around the house, having a "sweet disposition." Underneath it all, they feel unlovable and so very broken. If people saw the truth, they'd be shipped out in no time. These children have no true sense of self; their personality and uniqueness is suppressed in order to try to earn love.
As Christians we are adopted into God's family, but just like in the natural, we can feel insecure about our place in that adoptive family. Do we really fit in? Will we be accepted if people knew the real us? If we reveal our true selves, will we be pushed out? Rejected?
In our current work with young adults, I am seeing this insecurity manifest in two predictable ways: rebellion and perfectionism. Some have decided to show their worst side, to push away those they think will judge them. Rather than being vulnerable to rejection, they are on the offense. Others feel like they are strangers to themselves, because all they've ever done is try to be perfect. They've been put on display as the example of how a good young Christian should be, but they are at a loss for who they genuinely are.
Our job as "foster siblings" in God's family is to help these kids get to know the Father. Show them that when we mess-up, we can go to Him and make it better. Assure them that perfection isn't a requirement for belonging in this family of misfits. Show them the ropes. Walk with them through their adjustment to family life. In time, they will begin to know, feel and accept the Father's love for themselves- not just take your word for it. Their wounds will heal and their place will be secure. We all need family and we need to be that family for each other.