Step aside, friend

I've been reading through the book, "The Emotionally Healthy Woman" with the young adult ladies of our church. Chapter 6 talks about "overfunctioning," which the author describes as "doing for others what they can and should do for themselves." When we function for others, they do not mature as they should. Another word for this dysfunction would be codependence.

I've thought a lot about this dynamic recently, and how it can creep into my life and the life of the church. I believe a root of overfunctioning is a lack of trust. I overwork if I don't trust that others will pull their own weight. I micromanage when I don't trust that the other person will do what's required. As a mentor, I take-on a "savior" role when I don't trust that God can do the work without me. If I am running myself ragged trying to single-handedly keep a ministry afloat, I am not trusting the Holy Spirit to provide the team or resources needed to do His work.

A look at most churches will show a small number of members and staff doing the great majority of the work and ministry. In doing so, a portion of the Body is overworked as the majority spectates, not contributing to the whole and not growing spiritually through service. This is not the example set by the early church.

1 Corinthians 14:26

...When you come together, each of you has a hymn, or a word of instruction,

a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation.

Everything must be done so that the church may be built up.

The temptation for those who overserve is to blame those who are not stepping up to serve. We point fingers. We take on victimhood when we allow others' disobedience to dictate our own. We are not victims. No one else is making us take on so much. No one else is causing our burnout. God is certainly not calling you to do more than your share. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Overfunctioning is a choice rooted in the distrust of others and of God. If we are forsaking God's rest, that sin rests firmly on our own shoulders; no one else's.

John the Baptist was someone who was clear about Jesus' identity as Messiah and also clear about his own role in ushering in the Kingdom of God. To explain it, he used the metaphor of a wedding.

John 3:29-30

"The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. 30 He must become greater; I must become less.”

John knew that salvation was found in Jesus, not himself. He knew there was a danger in overstepping his role, in remaining a middle-man between his followers and God. John chose to step aside, so that those around him could embrace Jesus.

If you are overfunctioning in ministry, are you willing to step aside? Are you willing to let things fall apart for awhile so that others can step up and serve? Will you remove yourself from the savior role so that the true savior may be seated there? The bride can't grow in intimacy with the groom if the friend is in the way. Trust that God has a plan. Trust that He will raise up others to help. He is intimately concerned with the health and maturity of His bride- much more so that we give Him credit for.

So let's be good friends of the bridegroom, Jesus. Let's prepare the way for others to know Him. Let's rejoice at His coming and yield to His spirit, trusting that if we will do what He asks of us, He will take care of the rest.

No Way Hosea

Lately I've been spending my down-time watching dating shows on Netflix and other online platforms. The drama is compelling. As someone who loves to study human behavior, there's lot's to chew on in this genre of entertainment.

One of the hardest things to watch as a viewer is when one party is head-over-heels for someone who doesn't feel the same. Unrequited love is a heart-breaking phenomena that seems to be universal to humankind; it happens again and again in different contexts, countries and cultures.

I cringe when I see a man with lovey puppy dog eyes being overlooked by the person he's infatuated with. Or when I see a "player" stringing a love-interest along when he's just not that "into" her. Love should be a two-way street, when it's one-sided, something's wrong.

The Bible tells a story about a man, named Hosea, who was a prophet. God told Hosea to do something drastic to show the people of God His love for them. He instructed Hosea to marry someone who "just wasn't that into him." In fact, his wife, Gomer, was a prostitute. She was used to transactional relationships, not relationships based on love, sacrifice, honor or respect.

As I read through the story of Hosea and Gomer I'm reminded of the characters in those modern dating shows who don't quite know how to love, how to commit, how to open their hearts to vulnerability. With Gomer, time and again Hosea had to go find her with other men and bring her home, professing his continued love and commitment to her, despite her actions.

The Lord said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods...”

Hosea 3:1

How often do I, like Gomer, wander away from intimacy with God, looking for a quick fix or transaction? When I'm feeling down or lonely, do I turn to prayer or do I turn on the TV for comfort? Grabbing some food to celebrate is quicker and easier than turning on worship music and thanking God for what He's doing in my life. Sometimes my actions show that I'm "just not that into" Him.

Transactional relationships are easy. They don't require humility or self sacrifice. They are all about what you can get out of them. A transactional relationship with God looks like me going to church and Him blessing me for going. Or me praying for something and Him giving me what I asked for. True love isn't transactional, it's sacrificial. How painful must it have been for Hosea to put himself out there and ask his wife to return? How many times has God had to woo me back when my affection has wandered from Him?

In Hosea we see how unconditional God's love is. We get a glimpse of the strength and vulnerability required to continue to love someone despite their unfaithfulness. Today I am awed by the unfailing love of God. Are you?

Pieces Coming Together

A year ago, I heard about an international anti-trafficking organization coming to Belize to begin work here. At the time, I was researching any and all anti-trafficking work going on in the country. I felt that God was calling me to join the work, but I had no idea how I would become involved. I reached out to the ministry and didn't hear anything back from them.

Then randomly, months later, I went to visit a friend and ran into the country director at the car wash. I introduced myself and told him a little about my background in social work, foster care and trafficking.

A few more months went by. If you've read my blogs, you'll know I was constantly asking God to point me to my purpose here. I sensed He had a specific call for me, and when I was offered two positions with other organizations, I knew I had to turn them down. It was hard to say "No" to good options, while waiting on His perfect will.

Mid-summer of 2021 the director of the anti-trafficking organization contacted me, wanting to hear more about our family and our background with trafficking survivors. More months passed, and in the Fall I was asked to consult for them pro-bono. Since then, I've been working with them on creating a program of after-care services for young girls rescued out of sex trafficking. The work I'm doing is rewarding and connects precisely to the work I did back in Seattle.

Due to the nature of the work, who I am working with, and the details of the project are confidential. Moving forward, my work with the organization will become more public and I'll share more updates as I'm able. Since my work is ramping up, this blog will become a monthly update on the anti-trafficking work I am involved with.

Please be in prayer for the team God is assembling to serve these young people. It blesses and astonishes me to see how perfectly He has ordered and orchestrated the building of our team so far. Pray that we would identify the perfect strategy for the Belizean context. Pray for co-laborers who will add their talents, passion and resources to the work.

Be encouraged! God has not forgotten you. He sees you and has a plan for you that will connect you with your purpose. Abide in Him. Turn to Him with your concerns, questions and fear. Hold tight to His promises and you will see them come to pass.

Thank you for your support and concern for the work we are doing here as a family. We are blessed to be under-girded by so many friends and family members.