Breakdown before Breakthrough
More and more lately my thumb scrolls through discount airfare websites, looking for a cheap and easy exit. The airports are open, my bags are mentally packed. But I'm not hitting the "purchase" key just yet. If I do, I worry I won't come back.
I'm holding on. Barely. Believing that breakthrough is coming. Believing that my sacrifice and submission to the Lord's call is seen; counts for something. Over the last year and a half I've had other periods of lows. Times when I've counted the cost and felt the burden heavy, the yoke anything but light. I always climb out, slowly but surely. His presence is with me, even in those dark times.
I'm comforted by the words of David, a man after God's heart, and a periodic depressive, like me.
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? 2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, 4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. 6 I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.
His words remind me my situation is not unique and I have a good God who hears me. Sometimes in life we experience a breakdown before our breakthrough, but that breakthrough is still on its way.