I'm restless, once again, about this state of limbo we're inhabiting. I find myself checking real estate sites, counting down the weeks we have left in our lease, asking God if He would just clue us in, for goodness sake!
In the midst of my mind running from one question, one possibility to the next, I am reminded of something He told me a couple of months ago. At that time, as now, I was asking God for answers and I felt Him say to me, "Stop asking for answers. I'm not going to give you answers now. Ask for comfort."
Then, as now, comfort is not what I wanted, but it's what I need.
One of the first stories in the Bible is about two people who have an intimate connection with God. He talks to them, He provides for them, He teaches them and spends time with them. His only request is that they stay dependent on Him.
There are two identified trees in the Garden. One was the Tree of Life. They were welcomed to eat of that fruit and any other they found, except the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.
Genesis 2:17 "...but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”
By choosing that fruit, our innocence is forfeited. Our child-like dependency on God is shattered, replaced by knowledge, replaced by the tug-of-war between good and evil. No longer trusting in God's nearness and provision, our concerns are about how we will eat, what we will wear, how we will take care of ourselves.
"In that day that you eat of it you shall surely die." Connection and intimacy with God is life. Dependence on Him frees us to live fully. Disconnection and distrust is an absence of that life; it's a degree of spiritual death.
When God invites me to stop striving, He is inviting me to eat the fruit of a different tree; one that comforts and fills even when I don't have all the answers. Will I take Him up on His offer? Or will I stubbornly insist on the fruit that places me back in the driver's seat and out of alignment with the life He has planned for me?
Once again I must choose the source of my life. Will it be knowledge and striving? Good versus evil? Or will it be child-like faith and walking in intimate connection with my Creator? He invites me and He warns me, but ultimately the choice is mine.