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  • Writer's pictureRenata Joseph

Clown Car Blues

With the coming of summer, I've felt a bit lost. I know what to expect of a North American summer- days at the lake or water park, play dates, camping trips, movies and trips to the mall. Those familiar distractions aren't here, so I've tried reaching out to friends to fill the hours and entertain myself and the kids. It's just different here and the options are few. Summer break in Belmopan (during a pandemic) just doesn't compare to the expectations in my head.

Last week I was talking with God about the unsatisfactory state of my friendships. I told God I was tired of putting myself out there, of being the one to make the effort. In response, God gave me a picture of a clown car. He said with a clown car, a small fraction of the contents are seen from the outside. It's not until the doors are flung open that the extent of the fun is revealed. He told me if I want a party, I've got it inside of me. That if I want a party, I have to let it out. Instead of hoping someone else will come over and unleash the fun, I can do it myself.

The metaphor extends past entertaining the family during these summer months. It also shows how closed I've become with other gifts in my life. As I've prayerfully waited for direction and instructions, I've held back the gifts inside of me. As I've applied for jobs here, I've hoped someone else would unlock all the gifts I have to offer.

Matthew 5:15-16

15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Moving forward I'm gonna look for ways to let my light shine; to open the doors of my clown car and let the fun out. I'll still have to discern which opportunities are meant for me, and which ones aren't, but if I'm shining my Father will get the glory.

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