Miss Independent

September is Independence Month in Belize. Believe it or not, Belize and I are both 43 years old this year. A country's sovereignty over its own land and citizens is definitely worth celebrating and Belizeans go all-out in decorating and marking the occasion throughout the month of September.

Yesterday at work, during our weekly staff devotional, our conversation focused on how much we (I) want to control things. I want to make sure the work is done well, on-time and beyond expectations. I don't want to disappoint anyone, don't want to have to push-back deadlines or make things inconvenient for others. I want to be the consummate professional- diligent, capable, dependable. And yet, the circumstances of my work in opening the restoration home are not completely within my control. There are contractors, construction workers, teams of volunteers, coworkers, inspectors and government officials, each playing a part in the whole. This rattles me to no end.

There's something within me, still, that craves validation and fears disappointing others. Worse, I want to do it all by myself. I want to eliminate the barriers, knock down the obstacles and push through to the finish line. Sometimes this means ignoring signs that God has put up to slow me down. Sometimes this means ignoring God's quiet voice that says to wait until the right timing. And that's where I go wrong.

I go wrong in forgetting that everything I'm doing is part of a bigger plan. I forget that while I am an integral piece of the puzzle, I'm only a piece. I forget that God's priority is always the kingdom, always hearts and souls, where my priorities are checklists and deadlines.

In 2 Corinthians 1, Paul is writing to the church in Corinth, explaining that though he planned to make two trips to see them, he had to cancel his plans. The Corinthians are disappointed and Paul explains that though his plans didn't work out, God's promises are never thwarted. We, as believers can do our best to link-up with God's plans, but oftentimes we miss the bullseye. Those slip-ups aren't what's important. What's important, what's unchanging are God's promises to us and for us.

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ.

And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God. 2 Corinthians 1:20 

So while my plans are changeable and fallible, I can put my trust in Him who isn't. Independence from Him isn't something to celebrate; it's a sign that my faith is weak. It shows me that I'm still striving to be enough for others, instead of my worth being settled in the value He assigns to me. He says I'm enough. He tells me to rest in him and not strive. He asks me to depend on His strength when I am weak.

I encourage you to take stock in your own life and see if there are areas where you are clinging to perfectionism or hiding behind your independence from God. He desires to refresh you and release you from the burdens you carry.