Clown Car Blues

With the coming of summer, I've felt a bit lost. I know what to expect of a North American summer- days at the lake or water park, play dates, camping trips, movies and trips to the mall. Those familiar distractions aren't here, so I've tried reaching out to friends to fill the hours and entertain myself and the kids. It's just different here and the options are few. Summer break in Belmopan (during a pandemic) just doesn't compare to the expectations in my head.

Last week I was talking with God about the unsatisfactory state of my friendships. I told God I was tired of putting myself out there, of being the one to make the effort. In response, God gave me a picture of a clown car. He said with a clown car, a small fraction of the contents are seen from the outside. It's not until the doors are flung open that the extent of the fun is revealed. He told me if I want a party, I've got it inside of me. That if I want a party, I have to let it out. Instead of hoping someone else will come over and unleash the fun, I can do it myself.

The metaphor extends past entertaining the family during these summer months. It also shows how closed I've become with other gifts in my life. As I've prayerfully waited for direction and instructions, I've held back the gifts inside of me. As I've applied for jobs here, I've hoped someone else would unlock all the gifts I have to offer.

Matthew 5:15-16

15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Moving forward I'm gonna look for ways to let my light shine; to open the doors of my clown car and let the fun out. I'll still have to discern which opportunities are meant for me, and which ones aren't, but if I'm shining my Father will get the glory.

Cultivation Nation

Almost 1/5th of Belizeans work in the agriculture sector. The great majority of this workforce is comprised of men who work in 90 degree heat, using machetes and other simple tools to maintain crops like sugar, citrus and other fruits for multinational companies. These workers, some of whom are my friends, don't really benefit from their labor, except to be paid a pittance and maybe grab a few fruit on their way home at night. The great multitude of bananas, oranges, and sugar are sent away, to be enjoyed by people in the global north.

I think of how this same scenario may be taking place in my own spiritual life. Are there ways that I am toiling for something that will benefit others, while neglecting to cultivate my own food?

In this season of supporting youth and young adults at our local church, a lot of the time I spend in the Word is to prepare for Bible studies, youth group and online devotions. Like my friends in the fields, this work is meant to benefit others. I may grab a snack in the field as I work, but it's not enough to sustain me for the day. I'm blessed as I prepare the lessons, but is it nutritious enough? Does it provide the kind of strength I need?

The Bible uses many food metaphors in describing ways to grow and sustain our faith. In Hebrews it talks about how young Christians can only handle spiritual milk, like infants, whereas those who are more mature should seek more substantial spiritual foods.

Hebrews 5:14

But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves

to distinguish good from evil.

I surprises me how few rural Belizeans have so-called kitchen gardens. My female friends in the village, whose fathers and sons work in the fields, grow flowers instead of food. Flowers are beautiful, but you can't eat them. When the main bread-winner earns approximately $400-$800 USD/month and has anywhere from 4-10 children, food is often in short supply. Why then don't they grow their own? The answer I've gotten, when I've asked, is that they don't have the space for a garden, or that the soil isn't good for food crops.

My friends are hard workers. The women cook over fires and wash their laundry daily in the creek. They have no vehicle, walking miles in the heat to get anywhere. I don't judge how they decide what's worth the effort and what isn't. Truly. Instead, I turn the scrutiny inward.

As I work to provide spiritual food for young people, what excuses do I make for not tending my own garden? Am I satisfied with my own spiritual malnutrition? Am I content to focus on easy, pretty things like flowers, rather than putting the work into cultivating something sustaining? By this stage in my spiritual growth, I should be craving solid food and be willing to put the work into getting it for myself.

Will you join me in cultivating a spiritual home garden that will yield food that sustains? If we challenge ourselves to chew solid food, we will reap benefits that are sure to out-weigh the sacrifice.

Making disciples, not clones

As Christians we are commissioned to "go make disciples." Certainly replicating oneself is part of that process. Or is it?

The word replicate reminds me of the food replicators in the world of Star Trek. Replicators, using some mystery science, take microscopic particles and turn them into facsimiles of real food. They have the same smell, taste and look of the real thing, but they lack substance. The resulting product is ready-to-eat at a touch of a button. No fuss, no muss, no effort needed on the part of the user. If only replicating oneself was that easy!

Sometimes discipleship models look more like cloning; taking a piece of the original and growing it in isolation, under very controlled conditions. The end result is a carbon-copy of the original, down to the micro level. These programs can churn-out reliable copies of the original standard, but the participants' uniqueness and personality are lost in the process.

Discipleship is good, and is needed to grow God's kingdom, but there's the matter of how. The way we disciple will affect the kind of disciples we release back into the world. When you've poured yourself into a young person, listening to their fears and anxieties, giving counsel and cheering them on, they should be empowered to face the future. They should have a firm foundation and be people of integrity and substance. They should know who they are and not feel pressured to conform to someone else's ideal. God created them on purpose and to deny their individuality is to deprive the world of a gift.

Having a solid discipleship curriculum is a good thing, but programs in and of themselves don't disciples make. Like making a meal, there are hours and hours of work and intention invested into the food before it reaches the table. Using a workbook or video series to disciple someone is like using a replicator to make a meal. The substance isn't there because the personal effort hasn't gone into it. Discipleship books are tools to help someone walk alongside a mentee, nothing more.

I wish I could lead a 6 week class and release disciples into the world like little clones. True discipleship takes time and isn't a quick fix. People need to walk-out their faith alongside someone else. We need a listening ear and shoulder to cry on. We need to be seen and affirmed for the flawed person we are. And as much as we need it for ourselves, we as Christians need to be that person for someone else. The call to disciple isn't restricted to those who are in full-time ministry, or even for those who have "made it." The call is for everyone who calls Jesus Lord. And if we answer that call, we will make beautifully flawed disciples, not clones.