Riding the Waves

Most people would agree that 2020 has felt like a raging storm. Elements outside of our control are upending our routines and sense of safety. The systems and vehicles we use to navigate life are being tossed and threaten to be overwhelmed. Despite this, I have felt a deep sense of calm and quiet this week. It reminds me about the story about Jesus and his disciples in the middle of a storm.

Mark 4:36 So they left the crowd behind and went with Jesus in the boat he was already in. There were also other boats that went with them.37 A very bad wind came up on the lake. The waves were coming over the sides and into the boat, and it was almost full of water.38 Jesus was inside the boat, sleeping with his head on a pillow. The followers went and woke him. They said, “Teacher, don’t you care about us? We are going to drown!”39 Jesus stood up and gave a command to the wind and the water. He said, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind stopped, and the lake became calm.

40 He said to his followers, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

If you've been reading my blog regularly you'll know that my response through most of this year has echoed that of the disciples. "Don't you care? I'm going to drown!" Each time I've cried out in desperation and fear, He has responded by calming the emotions raging in me. He quiets the wind and the buffeting swells. He asks me why I am still so vulnerable to fear.

Calling out to Jesus and having Him calm the storm within is my go-to response. He shows up every time and "talks me off the ledge." But might there be an even better way?

At the beginning of this short story, we see the disciples (several of whom were commercial fishermen) absolutely coming unhinged at the power of the storm. Jesus, meanwhile, was sleeping like a baby. I feel like that's where I've been with Jesus this week: resting peacefully, unconcerned. The storm might be raging all around, but I've been (unexpectedly and momentarily) unbothered by it. There is a sense of empowerment to know that I can sleep through the storm.

I'm not saying that Christians should bury our heads in the sand and ignore the problems and worries of this world. I guess what I'm saying is that knowing Who is in the boat with me can bring me a peace that I can't conjure up on my own. That no matter if I am able to ride the waves peacefully or call out for rescue, I can weather whatever storms I face.

Take out the Trash!

I had an unforgettable experience this weekend. As I was sitting in my living room, a rancid smell began to waft in through the windows.

At first I ignored it, hoping it was a passing garbage truck. It wasn't. Then I shut the windows, hoping to block out the smell. That took the edge off, but the odor was still there. We've had neighborhood cats deposit in our flower bed before, so I angrily went to the front door to see if that's what I was dealing with. Nope. The flower bed was clean.

With our online church service starting momentarily, I shut the door and tried to put it out of my mind. Throughout the service, I'd catch a whiff and my mind would wander back to the smell. I mentioned it to Eddie and he said earlier that morning he'd seen our neighbor walk past our house with a small shopping bag in her hand, only to return a moment later without the bundle. A quick look out the window confirmed a small bag lying in the grass near the road.

I was somewhat doubtful that such a small thing could be causing such an alarming odor, but I couldn't ignore the issue any longer. I went to check it out and sure enough, the bag, which was untied, contained the decomposed head of either a sheep or goat (I'm no expert). Using a stick, I carried first the jaw bone to our trash container, then the bag of maggoty remnants. Yuck!

This unforgettable moment immediately made me think of spiritual trash in my own life. Have I allowed others to heap trash on my doorstep? Have I looked the other way, hoping someone else will deal with it? Have I been the culprit; cleaning my own house only to pass the burden on to someone else?

I recently read a very challenging book, entitled "Solus Jesus." In it, the authors talk about scapegoat theory; the universal tendency for societies to purge evil from their group by way of putting it on a scapegoat. The scapegoat, by definition, is an innocent, not the evil entity that the group claims him or her to be.

In my own faith journey, there are some hot button issues that have plagued me for years. Issues of equity. Issues where scripture reads one way, but the revelation of God's nature through Jesus would appear to say the opposite. Times when I've read the Bible and scratched my head saying, "Does it really say that? Does He really mean that?"

Over the years I've prayed for clarity, I've felt the tension of these issues, but I haven't come to many conclusions. Instead of dealing with the mess properly, I've walked out a few paces and dumped it on someone else's property.

You see, for me these issues were inconvenient and made me feel kinda queasy. I felt there were other people who could better handle the mess, or barring that, would have no choice but to deal with what I didn't want to fully take-on. I confess that, like my neighbor, it was more convenient for me to dump my rancid trash on innocent strangers and friends, hoping they'd deal with it and leave me out of it. What a cop-out!

In response to my reading, and this real-life encounter I've just had, I am committed to identifying ways I have scapegoated others and repent of those things. I am committed to actually dealing with the mess and stink in my own life, rather than ignoring it and hoping it goes away. It's time to takeout the trash.

(dis)Appointment

This week brought a pretty substantial disappointment. Last week's blog mentioned that we were in the process of buying a house. The day we were set to sign the papers, the sellers backed out. Potentially getting a house really helped us feel OK about going back into lock-down. But it was not to be.

As I've processed my reaction to this turn of events, I thought about the word disappointment. The prefix "dis-" means expressing negation, or reversal of an action or state. "Appointment" has two definitions. The first is an arrangement to meet someone at a particular time and place. The second: an act of appointing; assigning a job or position to someone.

I appreciate the imagery implied by the first definition: The negation or reversal of meeting someone at a particular time and place. Like being stood up for a date. You expected someone to show up for you and he flaked. Like a rejected single, I ask, "Was it something I did?" "Did I miss the signs?" "Is it worth putting myself out there and trying again?"

To be clear, in this analogy, the person who didn't show up when, where and how I expected, was God. I had sent Him notice of the meeting, told Him how much it meant to me and expected Him to honor the appointment. To my view, He did not.

Deuteronomy 31:6 says, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

That same verse is quoted in the New Testament in Hebrews 13:5: "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'"

Wow, both verses bring my situation into perspective. So, if God has promised to never leave me or forsake me, why was I disappointed when the house fell through? Did He miss an appointment or did I?

Maybe there's another appointment being made that I've overlooked. Maybe while I was discontented with our current circumstances, and trying to make things move along my own timeline, God was more concerned with a different type of appointment.

The second definition of appointment is an act of appointing; assigning a job or position to someone. I've been thinking, looking and praying for an assignment, a clear position here, and so far I've felt halted every step of the way. In this process He is refining and reforming me, preparing me for my future appointment.

Do I still want a house to settle into? Of course. But I choose to be strong and courageous. I believe that God is with us. I will once again learn to be content in the circumstances I find myself in. When the timing is right, He will make the appointment and I won't stand Him up.