Sheepish

The Bible talks a lot about sheep and goats. Jesus is referred to as both the Lamb of God and the Good Shepherd. People are compared to either sheep or goats. (Hint: you don't want to be a goat!)

For several years now, I have felt God saying He will use different events and circumstances to separate the sheep from the goats. Is Covid-19 one of those events? What's the difference between sheep and goats anyway?

There are lots of resources out there about their differences, but allow me to give one main litmus test.

John 10:27 says, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me."

Seems simple enough. Know God's voice, be known by Him and follow Him. But how many of us can say we hear His voice? Are we in the habit of listening for it?

Goats might hear their goatherd's voice, but they are pretty indifferent to it. They have their own ideas of how they want to spend their day. The world is their oyster and virtually nothing is off-limits. Sound familiar?

In times of peril, it is imperative for us to listen to God's leading voice. He sees the pitfalls and obstacles ahead and can help us navigate them. He can comfort our frayed nerves when we are lost and afraid. He heals our wounds and leads us to safety and freedom. He's my Good Shepherd, if I will allow Him to be.

To extend the metaphor, normally we are left to roam the pasture with God watching over us from a relative distance. We are left to graze and frolic as we see fit. But there are times when the Shepherd's voice calls out and commands immediate attention. As a family, we are in that season now.

In this season, we feel like God is giving us step-by-step instructions to cross even the smallest distance. We can't seem to make any decisions on our own! Can I tell you how frustrating it is to feel like I have no control over my future? To have to wait and pray before I say yes or no to an opportunity? It's getting really old, really quick. But I have to trust that if I am sensing His leading voice so regularly, it's because we are in urgent times.

By nature, I'm a goat. I want to go where I want, eat what I want, fight with who I want, and disregard anyone who would try to tame me.

I think there are a lot of us in the church who perceive ourselves as sheep, but more often than not, we are missing the voice of our Shepherd. If we hear it, do we follow? Or disregard? Or delay obedience?

What is God saying to you? What new pasture is He leading you to, if you will only heed Him? What perils could you have avoided if you'd followed His voice?

Being a sheep means listening instead of charging ahead with your own plans. It requires letting go of your own agenda and trusting that God sees what's ahead and His desire is for your best. Remembering these things, and centering my heart on them, helps me to be "sheepish" and not a goat.

Troubled

I'm not really sure what to write this week. I'm currently trying to figure out if I'm experiencing the disillusionment of culture shock, grief over dead dreams, or just run-of-the-mill Covid fatigue. Maybe it's a bit of all three, and maybe labeling it is besides the point.

Last week, our family (sans AJ) went away for a few days to the coast. We'd been looking forward to a mini getaway since the smoky, burning days of dry season in quarantine. Due to Belize's borders being closed for several months, we were able to find a hotel for rock-bottom prices, in our favorite seaside town. It didn't dawn on me that this was the same town we had originally planned to move to, until we were driving down the peninsula. With every mile, a new wave of sadness hit. It culminated the next afternoon as we walked to the beach, passing the very property we had hoped to buy; its REMAX sign still pegged in the sand.

Logically I am relieved not to own a B&B in a tourist town during a worldwide pandemic. The toll it's taken on tourism and Belize's economy in particular has been devastating. But knowing something and feeling it are two different things.

Returning to Belmopan was depressing. I returned to a rented house full of someone else's furniture, still no job and the threat of another lock-down. I know eventually we will own our own house and feel more settled. I know eventually I will have a full life, not feel like I'm sitting around waiting for life to happen to me. And if we go into lock-down again, we'll get through it. But knowing something and feeling it are two different things.

I have been through hard seasons before. In fact, this time reminds me of other hard transitions I've been through; moving to Montreal and it taking 6 months to find a job, moving to Seattle only to have Eddie and baby AJ return to Canada for months, high-risk pregnancies and difficult postpartum recoveries... times of uncertainty and waiting have never been my "time to shine."

Matthew 6:25 says, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?"

Through every one of those seasons, my mind would race about the worries and obstacles ahead. I had to fight each day for peace and the patience to hang on. And more often than not, it's the inconsequential things that stress me out the most...What kind of house will we find? Will it be in a good neighborhood? Like it says above, there are more important things to think about!

Further down in Matthew 6: 33 it says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Why do I allow my mind and feelings to run amok, when He holds the answers already?! If I will just quiet my thoughts and worries and focus on his kingdom, those details will be attended to. That has always been the case!

Verse 34 boils it all down for me: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

So, I am allowing myself to feel sad that our seaside dream is not happening. And I can understand why I'm feeling cooped up and useless in this season. But I'm going to do my best not to linger in those murky waters. I'm going to try to redirect my energy into seeking His kingdom in this season, so I can make the most of it and come out of it stronger than ever.

Sheltered

Every so often it's brought to my attention that Eddie and I have a different parenting point of view than the mainstream evangelical mindset, particularly among missionaries. It's not something I dwell on, but from time to time, people react in such a way as to remind me that we're different, maybe even radical?

Case in point, for 8 years we were foster parents to teens from Central America. In my view, doing so put our faith into action. Over and over, the Bible talks about caring for the orphan and the widow. It says God places the lonely in families. To me, it's a no-brainer. But Eddie faced a lot of judgement and push-back from the men in our church at the time. They accused us of putting our children at unnecessary risk and even said Eddie wasn't "being a man enough" to protect his family. WHAT!??

While thousands of children suffer rejection, neglect and abuse, "God-fearing" men are literally saying it's more holy to protect your own offspring than caring for those innocent children. The protection they are working so hard to erect is an illusion; like putting your child in a bubble.

Ephesians 6: 12 says "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the... spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

There are not many guarantees in this world, except that pain will come. It might come from strangers, but it usually comes from those we know and allow into our inner circle. We do what we can to keep our kids safe, but ultimately we have to trust them to God.

Another point of difference in our parenting is our choice to put our children in public school, particularly in a developing country. For generations, missionaries who lived abroad would send their children to boarding schools, to ensure they got a "proper" education. This often caused a sense of abandonment and resentment in Missionary Kids. Sure, they were able to return to the Global North and pursue high-level professions, but at what cost to their psyche and faith?

Similarly, there has always been a contingent of Christians who eschew public education and the dangers that lurk there. They either home school or put their kids in private school, not trusting their children to worldly indoctrination. I understand people wanting their values to be instilled in their children at a young age. Isn't that our job as parents?

For me the trouble with sheltering kids is that eventually they will leave the nest. If I am always protecting my kids from battles, they won't have the stamina, strategy or strength to fight them. They need to grow their faith muscles before fighting battles on their own.

Another common viewpoint of public school is the idea that it is a dark and dangerous place that will chew up our kids and spit them out. I've attended and worked in public schools. I know there are bullies, profane language and differences of world view. All of those things live in Christian private schools as well. Public schools also have strong, faithful teachers and administrators and Christian students who are forced to wrestle with their faith in a real way, not just conforming to the prevailing religious culture.

I believe it's my job to equip my child for living a successful life in the world, not just the hereafter. That means teaching them not to run from the battle, but run to God in the midst of the battle.

The Bible describes God as a strong tower, a refuge, a mother hen gathering her chicks under her wings. His shelter is the one that can truly protect our kids. The Bible says we are to be lights in the darkness, not to shrink back from darkness. That means modeling faith over fear. It means suiting up in the Armor of God, going out and kicking butt.

The choices we make in parenting our children is a personal one. Each family has its own reasons and convictions for how they parent. What I am drawing attention to is that there isn't only one way to raise a Christian child. Each child has a unique personality and calling; we need to be open to parent each child according to the Spirit, not a prescribed recipe or routine. And not according to fear. If we are diligent to seek God's best for the kids He's entrusted to us, we can be confident in our decisions, even if they look different than those around us.